Guess I had better catch up a little here right?
1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
Unique Up On It.
2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?
They Take the Psychopath
4. How Do You Get Holy Water?
You Boil the Hell Out Of It
5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?
6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?
7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?
8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?
11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?
12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?
13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
A Nervous Wreck.
14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
Anyone Can Roast Beef.
15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?
Right Where You Left Him.
16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
Because They Have Big Fingers.
17 Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?
Because It Scares The Dog.
18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?
19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover?!
The Location of the Dirt Bag.
20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?
Because They Wore Their Belt Buckles On Their Hats.
21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver?
A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang!
A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack.
22. How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same?
Either way somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer
You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark?
May those who love us love us,
and those who do not love us,
may God turn their hearts,
and if He cannot turn their hearts
may He turn their ankles
that we may know them by their limping.
People like you are the reason people like me need medication.
A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
Just a few more quotes
"He's so optimistic he'd buy a burial suit with two pairs of pants."
" Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200 and a substantial tax cut save you 30 cents?"
"My husband made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday."
"As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two..."
It is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
The reason a dog has lots of friends is that he wags his tail and not his tongue.
'Stressed' is 'Desserts' spelled backwards
A penny saved is a government overlook.
If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?
My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her right breast. It turned out to be a trick knee.
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
Once you?ve seen one shopping center, you?ve seen a mall.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
Acupuncture is a jab well done.
A midget fortuneteller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.